Unissued Files :D
by LightYouAPie
Summary: Things that the characters would NEVER do... and yet they have the unissued files is a blackmail/ character bashing mini series that has no plot what so ever and i do all that i can to make it hilarious and well... awkward in parts :
1. BuildABomb part 1

If you were to walk up to any of the task force members and tell them that one day their captain would ransack a bus of kids, dress up like Santa in the middle of July, by a bra from Victoria's secret, shoot an associate in Hot Topic when they sold him the wrong shirt and make a fat stuffed cow in build-a-bear - they'd look at you like you were crazy and had rabies before running off screaming like a psychotic twilight fangirl. Yet the sad thing? It actually happened and poor Roach had to witness it all.

* * *

Gary "Roach" Sanderson sat outside in the back of his squad's convoy enjoying a banana snow cone while listening to music. **REAL** music... not that opera crap that Price listened to. It was also silent for once, the rest of the team being inside the _**Scamps!**_ across from the parking lot.  
_"Most likely obsessing over kittens and bunnies."_ Roach thought - cracking up at the image of Soap trying to get a closer look at a chinchilla only to have it turn around and latch itself to his face, the captain screaming for a non-present Sargent.  
Roach sighed, taking another bite of his snow cone.

_"If only..."  
_  
"Roach! Status report! Over!" Soap's voice blared into the Sergent's headset, making poor roach jump and drop his snow cone... Right onto his lap.

"Shit!" Roach hissed, looking around for something to wipe the now spreading ice up with.

"Roach! Do you copy?" Soap was irritated and on the verge of screaming.

"I hear you - I hear you." Roach mumbled into the mic, picking up a spare hat that was under the passenger seat and began using it to wipe up the melting ice.

"Roach we're heading back - wait for the password before you let us in." Soap replied, the line falling silent afterwords.

Roach mumbled a yes, continuing to clean up his frozen treat's mess. As soon as the ice was cleaned up he realized there was a much bigger issue... a MUCH bigger issue. Not only had the ice spilled all over the car, the yellow syrup had too... all over Roach's white Bermuda khaki shorts - making it seem as if he had pissed himself.

"Oh great..." Roach hit himself in the forehead with the now sopping hat, pausing as he saw a name tag in the bottom corner of it's seam. Captain John Price's name glared back at him in black sharpie that was now smearing.

"Double crap." Roach looked out the back window as yelling ensued, watching as Price threatened to punch a lady with a chihuahua. He began pointing at his hat that was lying on the ground, it dripping once he lifted it up, Soap and Ghost grabbing his arms to hold him back.

"Triple Crap!" Roach turned around again and stuffed it in a small box, throwing that under the passenger seat before leaning back against the seat whistling. He heard the squad's muffled voices coming closer.

_"Nothing happened... nothing happened..."_

"Roach! Let us in!" Soap's voice rang out from behind the glass making the Sargent jump for the the second time that day. He looked outside, taking in their expressions. Ghost was... well ghost, Price looked like he wanted to eat someone and Soap was a mix of the two.

"Uhh... password?" Roach grabbed the door control, hitting the lock button. Price glared at him, pounding on the window with his fist - leaving a small dent.

"Now's not the time boy... if you _**don't **_want to end up like this window i suggest you let us in."

Roach meekly nodded, scooting as far away as he could from Price in the seat. Ghost crawled into the back of the convoy, placing himself in between the two.

"Isn't that window supposed to be bullet proof?" Meat turned around in the passenger seat, addressing Ghost. Ghost nodded in response pointing briefly at the dent.

"Yeah - Price just had a Superman moment... That's all." Roach smiled at Ghost's remark, looking out the window at the passing city.

"Uhh... where are we going?" Roach asked, meeting eyes with Soap in the mirror. The captain smiled before nodding towards the tallest building that was centered in the middle of town.

"The Mega Mall - home of the largest pet store... ever." His grin widened, Roach's WTF look contrasting against his captain's.

"Hey Roach..." Ghost said after a few minutes. "If you had to use the bathroom... all you had to do was ask."

Roach groaned and buried his warming face in his hands while everyone began snickering.  
_  
"This is going to be a __**LONG **__day..."_

_

* * *

_

_Im sorry for any roach fans... he's my target of the week... along with makarov... so expect him to be tortured more then the rest! _

_...Review and you'll save him from being thrown into a pot of rabid fangirls  
_


	2. UPDATE FOR FAILURE

I've been meaning to write/do this for a while... but yeah xD - summer vacation gets the best of us huh?

Urr... my stories shall no longer be continued until i find something that i WANT to do (like an invader zim or Left for Dead story *evil grin*). But while thinking about that I'll be doing a collab story with RainbowIceburg on her Modern Warfare story - just to let y'all know its gonna end up being probably a collection of oneshots and humor where we see fit xD

so sayonara for now and i'll be back with something new soon~ *waves* 


End file.
